1. Thin-Soled Desert Boots

“Ah! It is hot near the pyramids! We need a new kind of groundbreaking shoe, perhaps inspired by the culture of these newly-discovered Ae-rabs near the pyramids. How about we make these “desert shoes” the color and texture of those camels they ride? And we’ll toss in a hideously small lace holding together the way-too-simple cut of suede, that way, it’ll look very much like those water pouch things that Delacroix always used to paint…”

 “Desert boots” visually simulate everything colonialist and orientalist in this world.

Fortunately, they aren’t that popular these days, but it’s their 60th birthady, so I foresee them becoming trendy again. DO NOT SUCCUMB.

manual hr :)
2. Shoes That Seem Like They Belong in the Ballrooms of 17th-Century Paris

It is not the fact that they are hideously over-designed that wins such shoes a spot on this list. It is the fact that you can pluck your eyebrows perfectly well using their reflection as a mirror. I cannot really understand why intensely patent leather is ever used at all.
Yup. Major FAIL.
manual hr :)hr :)
3. Platforms

The fact that people actually thrived on platforms in the 70′s is scary, an ultimate reminder that humans are never tasteful. What’s even scarier is that the Spice Girls managed to get them to become fashionable again in the 90′s.

Unless you’re a midget and platforms are the only way to comfortably fake semi-normal height, then oh puh-lease toss your platforms out the window.
manual hr :)

4. “Qatel Il Saraseer”

Pointy-toe shoes are the worst thing to ever happen to the streets of Amman. I cannot illustrate how appalling they are because I cannot find an image of the pointy-toe shoes that are currently very fashionable in town, for both men and women.  You just need to walk in the streets and see the most ugly trend in history- even worse that the rattails of the 90′s.

When I was a kid I had an older cousin who would tell me that it is very easy to find out if a girl is cool or  not. The secret is in the shoes, he said. If her shoes are ugly, then even if she was the hottest woman on earth, you’ll know that something is wrong. I remember I found that really silly. I still find it really silly. Except his theory works excellently well for the “Qatel Il Saraseer” shoes. If a person is wearing them, you’ll immediately know that they are 7afalagi.

And that’s my two-cents of doing good for the day: If you have a pair of shoes that are more suitable for killing insects hiding in the corner, then for Heaven’s sake, THROW THEM OUT.
manual hr :

5. American-Tourist Sandals

(Yes, sometimes tourists from other parts of the world as well, but mostly Americans.)

The way American tourists dress drives me crazy. Khaki shorts, worn-out and drab-colored t-shirt (or shirt), and the infamous sandlas, often with socks. Damn. It’s as if this “uniform” comes stamped out with their visas. I’ve never been to the US so I don’t know if that’s how they dress in their daily lives, but I sure hope not.

Regardless of how comfortable and efficient these sandals are, someone needs to introduce them to other kinds of comfortable footwear: loafers, perhaps. Or trainers. Even flip flops. 

6. Fisherman Sandals

My main problem with fisherman sandals is that they are disgustingly fricking timeless. Their designs, colors, and materials haven’t changed in many decades, and they’re actually still reminiscent of footwear worn in really old paintings.

This steadiness makes them look even uglier as the years pass. It’s like wearing bell-bottoms to a Star Trek Expo. Not just once as a joke, every year. Okay, so that’s a terrible analogy, but you get the image.

Really, time to move on to better things.

7. Anything that looks like an animal was skinned to cover your feet

I know that it’s probably fake. And I know that they can sometimes look really nice. But the idea is so morbid. I don’t understand why humans find the concept of using human hair on handbags so horrifying yet be completely okay with the same happening with animals.

I’d understand with leather, at least it’s functional and keeps you warm and stuff, but with beauty shoes? Puh-lease.
 

8. Crocs for People over 5

I have to admit that Crocs are rather cute on very little children. Their absurd curves and horribly-designed form are very much alike to children’s funny head-shapes and weird proportions.

When it comes to adults, or even older kids, it’s just pure ugliness.

And yes, that is George W. Bush, and you don’t want to be like him do you?

9. Worishofer Sandals

I don’t think I need to explain why these “things” are on this list. Even grandmas should be banned from wearing them.

Germans should definitely stick to making cars and other heavy machinery. Another abhorrent German shoe is the Birkenstock, but it doesn’t make it to my top ten list.

10. Meaninglessly Sporty Sneakers

How could I possibly have sneakers on this list? Well, it’s easy.

I’m talking about the millions of sneakers that are more overdone than an Egyptian bellydancer. The ones that pack special “breathable” mesh, stripes to hold the foot, ergonomic new materials, shiny reflectors, springy soles, plastic airholes for better jumps, neon frilling. Dude. It’s the new millennium. Most people have actually come to discover that sometimes less is more, and all the added gimmicks to make sneakers look more high-tech and sporty is complete BS.

That’s my top 10 list. Which of them do you disagree or strongly agree on with me? What shoes do you think I forgot to add to this list, that you believe should be burned and buried, to never disgrace the streets of civilization again?

Every single time I see my brother’s shoe collection, I am taken by surprise.

It’s amazing, he only really owns two pairs o f shoes, in various colors:

1) A million pairs of lace-free loafers.

2) Four pairs of canvas shoes.

I understand Gus’ obsession with loafers. Afterall, laces are the stupidest invention ever, and they should be deemed as vintage as typewriters in this functional day and age. The first thing I do when I get shoes with laces is knot them to death, until they turn to slip ons.

Comparatively to my brother’s shoes, here  is how colorful my shoe collection a few years ago was:

Do you have a favorite kind of shoe or shoes that you just can’t stop buying?

“To celebrate the 100th anniversary of the canvas all star basketball shoes, converse have produced a limited edition of 1000 books containing a pair of shoes. using the theme of ’star’, the book details the history of the canvas all star brand and features interviews by 100 of today’s biggest stars. also, in an effort to support the young creative people of the world, converse have chosen 100 people and put them together with the famous actors, comedians, stylists, photographers, art directors etc who inspire them to pursue the same career. the shoes have been made especially for this project and come in white, black and red, and in two sizes, 24cm and 27cm”

Via The Dieline

Really cool, right? I want one :(

… and then they come up with the coolest shoe concept I’ve seen since the Adidas AdiColor; Dry-erase sneakers, aptly called “Talkin’ Shoe”.

That really is such a good idea, but I wish the actual design of the shoe wasn’t so Basketballish. I personally find basketball shoes pretty ugly, and the fantastically brilliant idea of a surface of dry erase will make me barely consider wearing one.

Product Link

I know they’re dying, any such pair would have been dying for years. Their color has long faded to a shade of sickly grayish-blue, and their natural curves have faded to flatness. But I am not yet ready to let go, they have been my favorite walking partners since the eighth grade, and that was back in 1998.

I remember the first time I laid my eyes on them. A new Nike store had opened in one of the malls in Riyadh, and I was going there with my mother and my brother Omar, who was looking for an American football. At the very end of the oblong store, on the very far wall adjacent to the entrance, a display of brand spanking new sneakers was covering the entire length and width of that wall.

Those years were the peak of sneaker fashion, when sneakers were still a canvas for creativity and new methods of keeping your feet comfortable. They were of many diverse colors, made out of a whole lot of materials from woven uppers to denim to pink leather. It was also the time to forget that sneakers should automatically come with shoe laces, and many of the models had alternative ways of sticking to your feet.

I had no problem picking the bright blue pair with the elastic front. They were pathetically comfortable, and they felt like they were socks. I did not know then that they would become the shoes I spent most of the time wearing in the coming ten years.

1998-2002, I wore them every single day to school. When I say every day, I really am not exaggerating. It was as basic as the alphabet; wake up, brush teeth, put uniform on, socks on, blue Nikes on, drink milk, grab back-pack, and go to school. They made funny, squeeky sounds on the rubber floors of Manarat, and I always found it funny.

2003-2007, the time spent at the University of Jordan was divided between my red Chucks and my blue Nikes, depending on whether my outfit matched blue or red. The Nikes had started to die in this period, but their death has been slow. Every year or so, I glue their soles back together with UHU, which has been keeping them alive for years.

I remember the day I blogged that, it’s in the archives actually. Date, January 25th, 2005.
The years have since made them my favorite pair. I mean, it’s been a while, you know?

2007-2008, my low-rise red Chucks have sort of died. Not in the same way that my Nikes are dying, where temporary cure is achieved with a dash of UHU, but the fabric itself is tearing off the Chucks. I bought a new pair, but I am mostly wearing my Nikes these days because I haven’t broken in the new pair properly and I really like shoes to be comfortable. If only Gus still shared my shoe size, he would have broken them in for me. Oh well.

The Nikes were ten years old last year, and a very fruitful ten years they were. Together, we walked the hallways of middle school, highschool, we practiced graduation ceremonies, ran around Jordan University rain and shine, learned to drive, made graduation projects, took photographs, and signed marriage documents. Together, we walked the streets of Riyadh, Amman, Damascus, Cairo, Paris, London, Beirut, Amman. This pair has been my partner, a steady element, a steady comfort, a steady reliability.

It’s not that I haven’t looked for another pair, but each pair I buy gets buried in the back of my closet, for none can laceless, be as comfortable and look as good.

And I’m still gluing them every now and then, eleven years on. Today is a gluing day. This is to another year of the blue shoes.