Such a funny song by Michelle Keserwany.

Here are the English lyrics to Jagal Il Usek, my own translation:

I was sitting in the cafe
with was nothing on my mind
and drinking Nescafe.

A guy came and sat across from me
wearing sunglasses and his hair was gelled
he said “Bonjour ya Demoiselle.
I am the cool guy,
I listen to 50 Cent,
my car is shiny,
and I go to every single event,
I have a villa in Faraya,
and the old Miss Lebanon is my sister.”

I pretended I was dumb and I pretended I was smitten,
I didn’t say anything and I wore a shy smile.

“Ana Jagal L Usek,
my eyes are colored,
I drink Vodka sec,
and my shirt is Mousseline.
My father is a colonel,
and I smoke cigars.
Give me your number je t’apelle,
so that we go out one day.”

Here I boiled over,
oh, no that’s just too much for me.
My face became red and smoke shot out of my ears.
And that was the day I discovered
why they say Eve is alive.

I said, “No way! Fate put us together!
My life before you had no meaning,
but oh the love of my life and the veins of my heart
lets get one thing straight from the beginning of the road.
“Love Relationship” in my father’s dictionary doesn’t exist!
You have to be serious for my dad to let us be!

That is…
We have to get married, and you have to get me a car.
We have to have kids, and call the girl Sarah.
And make a swimming pool, and change the light bulbs, and take me
away to China, and peel mangoes for me, and furnish the house, and get
me “jheiz” (clothes), and to cut the gazonet (?), and shine the glass!
Wow, the idea of getting married! I really like that!
Yalla, when are we getting engaged? So that I tell you where my house is?”

The cool guy turned green.
He put away his sunglasses, and he said,
“Ahh, sorry I’m busy, I have to go back now!”
And I was left alone drinking my Nescafe,
laughing by myself as I went up to Saffee (?)

I talked to him so nicely and I was so excited!
But he never showed his face again, I really have no clue why!

The cool guy disappeared,
the one who listens to 50 Cent,
the one whose car shines,
and who goes to every single event!
He had a villa in faraya,
and the previous Miss Lebanon… yeah! He’s her brother!
Jagal Il Usek, his eyes are colored,
and he drinks vodka sec, his shirt is Mousseline,
his dad is a Colonel! He smokes cigars, and he wanted to call me one day…