1. Thin-Soled Desert Boots
“Ah! It is hot near the pyramids! We need a new kind of groundbreaking shoe, perhaps inspired by the culture of these newly-discovered Ae-rabs near the pyramids. How about we make these “desert shoes” the color and texture of those camels they ride? And we’ll toss in a hideously small lace holding together the way-too-simple cut of suede, that way, it’ll look very much like those water pouch things that Delacroix always used to paint…”
“Desert boots” visually simulate everything colonialist and orientalist in this world.
Fortunately, they aren’t that popular these days, but it’s their 60th birthady, so I foresee them becoming trendy again. DO NOT SUCCUMB.
manual hr :)
2. Shoes That Seem Like They Belong in the Ballrooms of 17th-Century Paris
It is not the fact that they are hideously over-designed that wins such shoes a spot on this list. It is the fact that you can pluck your eyebrows perfectly well using their reflection as a mirror. I cannot really understand why intensely patent leather is ever used at all.
Yup. Major FAIL.
manual hr :)hr :)
The fact that people actually thrived on platforms in the 70’s is scary, an ultimate reminder that humans are never tasteful. What’s even scarier is that the Spice Girls managed to get them to become fashionable again in the 90’s.
Unless you’re a midget and platforms are the only way to comfortably fake semi-normal height, then oh puh-lease toss your platforms out the window.
manual hr :)
4. “Qatel Il Saraseer”
Pointy-toe shoes are the worst thing to ever happen to the streets of Amman. I cannot illustrate how appalling they are because I cannot find an image of the pointy-toe shoes that are currently very fashionable in town, for both men and women. You just need to walk in the streets and see the most ugly trend in history- even worse that the rattails of the 90’s.
When I was a kid I had an older cousin who would tell me that it is very easy to find out if a girl is cool or not. The secret is in the shoes, he said. If her shoes are ugly, then even if she was the hottest woman on earth, you’ll know that something is wrong. I remember I found that really silly. I still find it really silly. Except his theory works excellently well for the “Qatel Il Saraseer” shoes. If a person is wearing them, you’ll immediately know that they are 7afalagi.
And that’s my two-cents of doing good for the day: If you have a pair of shoes that are more suitable for killing insects hiding in the corner, then for Heaven’s sake, THROW THEM OUT.
manual hr :
5. American-Tourist Sandals
(Yes, sometimes tourists from other parts of the world as well, but mostly Americans.)
The way American tourists dress drives me crazy. Khaki shorts, worn-out and drab-colored t-shirt (or shirt), and the infamous sandlas, often with socks. Damn. It’s as if this “uniform” comes stamped out with their visas. I’ve never been to the US so I don’t know if that’s how they dress in their daily lives, but I sure hope not.
Regardless of how comfortable and efficient these sandals are, someone needs to introduce them to other kinds of comfortable footwear: loafers, perhaps. Or trainers. Even flip flops.
6. Fisherman Sandals
My main problem with fisherman sandals is that they are disgustingly fricking timeless. Their designs, colors, and materials haven’t changed in many decades, and they’re actually still reminiscent of footwear worn in really old paintings.
This steadiness makes them look even uglier as the years pass. It’s like wearing bell-bottoms to a Star Trek Expo. Not just once as a joke, every year. Okay, so that’s a terrible analogy, but you get the image.
Really, time to move on to better things.
7. Anything that looks like an animal was skinned to cover your feet
I know that it’s probably fake. And I know that they can sometimes look really nice. But the idea is so morbid. I don’t understand why humans find the concept of using human hair on handbags so horrifying yet be completely okay with the same happening with animals.
I’d understand with leather, at least it’s functional and keeps you warm and stuff, but with beauty shoes? Puh-lease.
8. Crocs for People over 5
I have to admit that Crocs are rather cute on very little children. Their absurd curves and horribly-designed form are very much alike to children’s funny head-shapes and weird proportions.
When it comes to adults, or even older kids, it’s just pure ugliness.
And yes, that is George W. Bush, and you don’t want to be like him do you?
9. Worishofer Sandals
I don’t think I need to explain why these “things” are on this list. Even grandmas should be banned from wearing them.
Germans should definitely stick to making cars and other heavy machinery. Another abhorrent German shoe is the Birkenstock, but it doesn’t make it to my top ten list.
I’m talking about the millions of sneakers that are more overdone than an Egyptian bellydancer. The ones that pack special “breathable” mesh, stripes to hold the foot, ergonomic new materials, shiny reflectors, springy soles, plastic airholes for better jumps, neon frilling. Dude. It’s the new millennium. Most people have actually come to discover that sometimes less is more, and all the added gimmicks to make sneakers look more high-tech and sporty is complete BS.
That’s my top 10 list. Which of them do you disagree or strongly agree on with me? What shoes do you think I forgot to add to this list, that you believe should be burned and buried, to never disgrace the streets of civilization again?