AndFarAway

A Blog from Amman, Jordan, Online Since 2004.

Month: March 2009 (Page 1 of 3)

The Five Women You Should Need to Stay Away From

Honestly, it was much harder thinking of the women you should avoid than it was the men. Maybe because I’m female, but mostly because the main problems with women are more personal, and not as generalizable as those of men.

If you disagree with my list, here’s a different list by Palordinia that you might like better. Another good list was shared by commenter Bill here.

I guess our lists are similar though.

By popular demand, my advice to you, as a female:

1. The Chameleon

cham by Roobee.
Her superpower is the ability to change her character depending on who she’s with, what she’s doing, and what sort of life she feels like leading. One day she’s dancing on tables at some club and the next day she’s a hijababe cause her new boyfriend prefers hijababes.

Unfortunately, I have noticed that females are a lot more likely than males in Amman to wear their personalities as the changing variable in their life.
The chances of her getting bored with you are as high as her chances of changing her scene.

How to spot her: As a game, ask her for 24 photographs of herself, one for every two months during the past four years. Enjoy.
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2. Wedding Belle

2630285731_b63cf3e2b9 by Roobee.

She has dreamt of her big day her entire life, and her eyes are set on one goal: getting that dream to become reality. The man’s role in this formula is solely becoming her groom, she can’t be a bride without one, can she?
She realizes that there is no such thing as Prince Charming, and she has a nice, practical list of the attributes she’s looking for, with enough elbow room to navigate with those who might have just enough. A fantastic woman for the man who’s looking for the same thing, and who’s goal in life is domestication.

How to spot her: She collects snapshots of wedding dresses, has gone faux-ring-shopping before, and even has a playlist ready.
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3. The One Monther

2827597115_3b3e55f69c by Roobee.

Even if she doesn’t date a lot, avoid her if her longest ever relationship was three months. She probably has the “what-else-is-out-there?” heebie-jeebies, always keeping her eye on the other fish in the sea. And there are many fish in the sea. You’re not the last, you’re not the best, and she knows that well.

How to spot her: You’ve known her for four years, in which you’ve met at least six of her different potential love interests.
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4. Gym and Lettuce and Everything Polished

3008399409_2e16f5d915 by Roobee.

There’s a fine-line between a lady who takes care of herself and one who downright obsesses about it. She has no problem with eating forage three times a day, wearing her designer training suit twice a day to the gym, and spending a good hour at the hairdresser every morning to perfect her tresses. All the energy that she fuels into looking good is a sad excuse for feeling good.

How to spot her: If she spends more than five hours a day trying to feel better about herself, usually a combination of: gym-time, salad-munching, and hair-doing.
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5. The Drama Mama.

1471163464_5b4d699363 by Roobee.

A person you need to avoid like the plague not just when it comes to dating, but even when it comes to friendship. The Drama Queen is the most annoying character ever.
A few dates down the line, she will be bawling her eyes out in the middle of dinner at a crowded restaurant because she feels like you don’t love her.
While she may provide temporary amusement, the roller coaster of emotion is not something anyone can stand for over a few weeks. She will make your life miserable.

How to spot her: At first site. Drama Queens lurveee uncalled for attention. It might be the make-up, the outfit, the attitude. Steer clear.

The short list of other types of girls you should avoid:

1. The Dinarian. She won’t date you if you don’t have a nice car, won’t indulge her fancy-shmancy taste in everything, and if you don’t get her nice stuff every now and then.

2. The Barbie. God blessed her with good looks but no brains. An airhead by all measures, she doesn’t know anything about anything.

3. The One Who’s Never Dated. She’s either lying, under 14, or you’re really special.

4. The Insecurity Problems. Well, unless you want to spend the rest of your life trying to make up for her lack of self-esteem.

So there, now you have a nice list of top 10 men and ladies to avoid.

Destiny in a Cup

Coffee, Coffee, where art thou? by you.

Coffee, Coffee, where art thou? by you.

Coffee, Coffee, where art thou? by you.

Coffee, Coffee, where art thou? by you.

Coffee, Coffee, where art thou? by you.

Coffee, Coffee, where art thou? by you.

My mother has a very particular taste when it comes to coffee cups. Actually, it’s just as particular as her taste in coffee itself: as sweet as icing in the morning, and as bitter as almonds not yet ripe during the rest of the day.

Personally, I like it mildly sweet. Just a little sugar to give the stringent flavor of coffee a kick.

Coffee. A magical concoction that we dictate our lives around as people living in this part of the world. Coffee to signal that yes, the whole clan and their affiliates agree to give away our daughter’s hand in marriage. Put the coffee cup down to signal refusal.

Coffee to seal business deals. Coffee to enjoy with friends. Coffee to be forced down your throat by an over-excited aunt.

Our coffee comes in small cups, a little more in quantity than an espresso and a lot less than a cappuccino. It is best when boiled well, and there’s always the residues that settle in the bottom of the cup. We drink coffee every few hours.

Traditionally, each cup of coffee should be served along with a glass of water. You have to specify your sweetness preference before the coffee is made: helweh (sweet), wasat (medium), sada (no sugar).

Sometimes, the cup is turned over, allowing the residues to slip off the glazed surface of the glass and make pretty shapes as it trails. There are many fortune tellers who make a living out of seeing your destiny in your coffee cup.

Your destiny, after all, belongs rightfully in a cup.

Now what?

I chose the perfect day to get sick and stay in home. After wrestling with a stuffed nose all night, and finally falling asleep around dawn, I wake up a couple of hours later because whoever owns the ancient building across from ours decided to pick today from all days to start working on it.

But my cold really doesn’t matter. And the fact that they picked today doesn’t matter either.

What matters is that they ARE DOING WORK ON THE ANCIENT BUILDING ACROSS FROM OURS. Is that a death sentence for our privacy?

IMG_4728 by you.

IMG_4727 by you.

IMG_4724 by you.

The particular house in question is ancient, probably one of the few houses in the area that date back to the Plastic Factory era. It’s a gorgeous house from the front, obviously very rich at some point, with very detailed stone work and a beautiful garden. It has lay abandoned for as long as I can remember though.

This morning, I wake up to see a bunch of men on its roof hammering away at what once used to be its slanted brick roof. They have removed every sort of detail aside from its structure, including the piping, the windows, the doors, etc.

I cannot figure out what they’re doing. It’s driving me crazy thinking that they might be preparing it for demolition, as I really cannot stand the idea of construction happening in its place. I am hoping, with fingers crossed, that they are preparing it for rehabilitation.

What do you think, from the way they’re handling things? Rehabilitation or demolition?

Shocking End of the Rainbow

Like a hard blow to the face, I found out today that there is no pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Worse yet, I found out that there is an end to a rainbow. I always thought that a rainbow is one of the few realities of a fantastical world.

But I guess not. It even stems from an SUV.

[via]

Oh my God, how can flowers be so tall?

The latest addition to our still incomplete house:

Wall Decals by you.

Yet another dose of delicious red courtsey of my mother. My favorite thing about them is how they work so well with the way our house is. When you’re in the bedroom section, it looks like the flowers are engulfed in a field of green, as if there’s a beautiful field beyond the corridor. When you’re sitting in the living room, it’s just the barely-there elegance of tall flowers.

I love you mommy!

Wall Decals2 by you.

Wall Decals by you.

The Five Arab Guys You Should Never Date

Kabobfest have a really funny article on the 13 Arab men you should never date if you live in the US.

What about the Arab men you should never date while in the Arab world, and particularly, Amman?

1. The Nai Guy.

His idea of going out is always to a noisy, sweaty, smelly club. That’s where he functions best after all. You can usually find him on a VIP table in the most popular clubs in town, with a group of equally annoying, equally arrogant plastic-ites.

The club is his element. In any other instance and at any other place, he’s always hung over, unsocial, and just down right dumb. He also thinks of relationships as open, at least from his side.

What he’s usually wearing: jeans and a button-up shirt. Black shoes. Flashy phone. A hot girl. A car with a price tag that can build a house for 10 families. Always with a cigarette in his mouth.

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2. The “We need a 4th” Trix-Master.

stf by you.

What’s worse than dating a man whose ultimate idea of fun is lack of sobriety? Dating a man you’ll never see because his utmost loyalty is to his cards mates. Never, and I mean, never will he let them down when they need the 4th player to complete the circle. For that is treason.

Plus, he is a hard-core nicotine addict as all his games are spent smoking the argeeleh. For hours and hours and hours.

What he’s usually wearing: pointy shoes, a lot of gel on his hair, and a Honda Civic.


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3. School Cool Dude at 26.

Jordan University Elections by you.

Unless he’s studying medicine, getting another degree, or doing grad school, he really has no excuse to still be driving to his university’s campus if he is over 25.

Seriously. By this time, he is friends with everyone, from the guards at the gates to the coffee-boy in the Deanship of Student Affairs. He has cemented his status as a permanent facet to campus life, and he’s kind of proud of it.

What he’s usually wearing: a t-shirt, sunglasses that never ever go off, and a mod car, complete with shiny rims, flame stencils, and his number on the back window.


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4. The “Gabaday” Guy

The worst kind of the lot. He thinks he’s a tough ass when he’s generally just an ass. He looks for a fight no matter where he is, and his favorite activity is hanging out in that shady gym on Dowar AlDahkhleyeh. He is always so impressed with himself because his friends call him first whenever they feel like picking a fight with a random bunch of guys.

He thinks he’s so gangstah.

What he’s wearing: tight-ass jeans, hideous tattoos, and a thick silver necklace.

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5. The Daddy Brat

He comes from a rich family, he probably was at one of the best schools in town (read: Bakaloria, New English, Montessori, etc), and he knows that he has a ticket to richness thanks to daddy although he’s really, really stupid. He works somewhere nice, but doesn’t really do anything there. He drives a nice car that he changes every few months because he keeps totaling it up thanks to his insane driving. His weekends are spent in the family condo in Aqaba.

What he’s wearing:
funky brands, expensive brands, and more brands.

So there you have it, the worst of the lot to date, at least in my personal opinion. Other types of guys I had on my list to stay away from but who didn’t make it to my top five:

1. The Ultra Geek who smells, dresses like my grandmother, and can only talk about PHP, Penguins, and Debian.

2. The Jesus/Mohammad kid. Enough said.

3. The Gulfian student who has never sat in the same room with a female who is not his mother, who only eats Kabsa, and who wears slippers in both winter and summer.

4. The artsy-fartsy loser who thinks he’s really, really cool, although he’s really just unemployed.

Fooled by the Nokia

I wake up at 9:00, like I do everyday. I get up up, wash then dry my hair, get dressed, make sure everything’s turned off, and get into the car. It usually takes me 30 minutes to get into the car from the moment I get out of bed.

I turn on my car, and then I am surprised to see that my car dial claims that it’s still 9:00. What the hell. I thought it was 10. I figure that my car is going crazy. Maybe someone changed the clock.

But nope, my car wasn’t the problem. It was my phone. It is my Mac. The masters of digital time have took it upon themselves to decide to set the daylight saving time a day ahead of schedule without giving us humans a heads up.

And that’s how I lost an hour of sleep this morning, thanks to my Nokia 5800.

My brother did too. And the guy on the radio. And some of my friends at work. I’m betting that happened to a lot of you too. It’s like the digital world is playing an early April’s Fools day joke on us.

Yay, Yay, I want to be Suberstar

…so Humam Ammari’s “Suberstar” video is now out, basically a home-video that illustrates how everyone in Amman is famous, “yay, yay, beddi akun mashur”. I mean, I know 3/4’s of the people in this video.

Here’s the video, enjoy:

Color Overdose













So ’99

I hate having to:

…download software for the gadgets I buy. Especially if it’s something as silly as a camera. Have you heard of drives?

…be asked to register with my email so that I recieve “creative tips, news, and freebies” by the manufacturer of a gadget I buy. Does anyone seriously still fall for that? IT’S SPAM.

…what’s worse than having to download software just to get the images off something? Needing to restart after you download it!

It’s 2009 for god’s sake.

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