What I love about Amman. And what I love less.

Danny, a German friend and coworker, has a post that has the same exact title above, giving his impressions of what he thinks is “wrong” with this country and what isn’t.

Reading his list, I realized that my list is rather different. What I love and hate about Amman has a completely different set of standards, perhaps because I’m Arab, or perhaps because I’ve lived here longer. Or perhaps not.

Things I love:

The mountains. My mind is always romanticizing the mountains. Their history: settlers in the valley, expansion upon expansion, mountains bursting from 7 to 24. Their function: dividing up the city. Their form: jewel-like at night and hypnotizing repetition during the day. Their continuity: valley to mountain, mountain to valley.

The itsy-bitsy details in a world of contrasts.
It is easy to bask in the details of the contrast in this city. The signs plastered on haphazardly in one corner and tucked gorgeously right across the street. A bar smiling brightly at a store that is yelling out the Athan from its television. A hijabi chick wearing the tightest pants in the world. The smell of sahlab in a hot dog store. Although these contrasts might not particularly be a good thing, I think they are rather amusing. I like to be amused.

The colors. When I close my eyes and see Amman, I see the street of my Teta’s house, where we grew up, and which pretty much looks the same as any other street in West Amman. Gray asphalt lined with white stone speckled with green trees, covered by a blue sky spotted with red brick.
The colors of Amman may easily be my favorite thing about this city.  I love how the sky is always so darn blue, all year round. I love how the mountains are always white with the stone houses (or cement painted white) that cover them, no matter where you are. I love how there are always little specks of the same exact shade of green. I love how some houses have red bricks, adding a little edge to the palette.
A lot of people will argue that the constantness of this palette is pretty dull- but I like it.

As for the thing I don’t love.

The people. I really don’t like the people of Amman. I don’t like the opinion-makers, I don’t like the opinion-followers. I don’t like the little kids and I don’t like the adults. I don’t like the arrogance, I don’t like the pessimism, I don’t like the self-imposed unhappiness, I don’t like the endless nagging and complaining, I don’t like the frowns.

I think it all goes down to how Ammanites think, judge, and talk. They force the environment to become restricting, depressing, and at most times, defeating.

They whine and complain, and never really see the good in anything. They cannot accept anyone slightly different, just because they dress differently or talk differently. They will go ahead and tell you that they must have had torturous childhoods just because they do something different with their hair!

They ogle, and if your eye ever catches theirs while you’re ogling back, don’t expect to get out without a fight, “What the hell are you staring at?” They hold on too dearly to Arab culture and tradition that has been unchanged for hundreds of years, and which is for the most part outdated and in dire need of tweaking. They cuss and diss at other cultures and traditions, thinking that ours is impeccable!

Most of the country is run on “Wasta” (ex. contacts), from the most basic thing as who gets the last item at a shoestore to much bigger issues. I will use university scholarships as an issue of mid-importance as an example. A friend of mine was a brilliant student at highschool, brilliant enough to have been able to get a scholarship into prestigious universities around abroad. He was also an ardent basketball player, playing professionally with one of the best and most established basketball teams in the country from a very young age, spending most of his free time training. For personal issues, this friend decided to attend Jordan University, as well as apply for the sports-excellence scholarships that are offered to a handful of new students at Jordan University every year. He goes to the tryouts, where dozens of students from different backgrounds are showing off the skills they have learned over years of training, and gets into a random discussion with a random guy who tells my friend that he has never ever played any sport in his life, but that he knows he will get the scholarship, because he has a wasta. A week later, he finds out that that guy was correct, none of the people with any sports experience got the sports scholarship, they all went to schmucks who know someone with a stamp, who was probably given his position by another schmuck with a stamp.

And I think that’s what’s holding this country back. Idiot people with the IQ of 0. People who do not care for honesty, not for being good people. They think that being a good person revolves around praying five times a day, fasting and covering up their hair, when being a good person is about being honest with one’s work and one’s life.

Sometimes, I feel like I am being sucked into this cycle of depression. I am smiling less and less often and I’m often finding myself being judgmental about things I don’t really give a shit about, just because I can’t help it. The people around me, even my loved ones, aren’t much better… Who are we to protect this unjust culture of ours anyway? Let it change and grow… a culture that is not dynamic enough to cater to different times and different ideas is a culture that will not hold out in front of other cultures.

If everyone put as much effort in actually working as they do in praying, talking about people who don’t cover up, and whining, then we wouldn’t have as much half-ass jobs. The streets would be cleaner, the paint on the asphalt would be done with care, and the guys behind the glass at governmental buildings would actually try to get their job done.
Then maybe, Amman would start to pull itself out of the crumbles, and we’d all have a lot more to love.




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  • http://www.ramblinghal.blogspot.com Hal

    This post is brilliant, seriously.

    And ‘wasta,’ translated, would be ‘nepotism.’

  • http://bam.bam.was.here.com bambam

    all the mushiness and nostalgia made me almost stop reading…
    am glad i didn’t since you genuinely had something to say in the next part !
    oh well i guess we’ll have someone jumping in suggesting their magic silver bullet next, but i think you are already being a factor of change all of us are.
    The fact that we reached a point that we refuse to remain silent regarding all of this will eventually give our butterfly wings some real strength.
    by atleast effecting the people around us and supporting them to do right we impact things no matter how small that impact is the more tenacious our will is the sooner we will see it materialize.
    thanks

  • http://basharjuneidi.blogspot.com/ Bashar

    excellent post, really, in fact its the best post i read today!

  • http://www.caledoniyya.com Laylatoot

    Harsh, but so true. Unfortunately, such mindsets and approaches are not limited to Amman, Jordan, or even the Middle East. Whether I was merely naive in previous years, I am not sure, but nepotism/wasta is seeping into daily life, everywhere.

    On a personal level, I always thought academics received positions for being smart; at my current university, it is according to who you marry, drink with, and how much money you have. As a result, many good lecturers are falling by the way side and the teaching is detiriorating to the point that the students are complaining.

    Ho-hum. But this is 21st century progress, apparently… ;)

  • http://www.madeinjordan.wordpress.com Made in Jordan

    I’d hate to crack it Roba; you may know this already, but there is A LOT more than judgmental morons who are pulling the country down; it’s the mentality, the culture, the people, the media (what media anyway?), the government, the parliament. You know I could go on forever about this. But I really wish it were only about the hijab and about the praying; it’s deeper than that.

    The way I see it is like this: It really is an empty cycle (love using the analogy). One unhappy person brings out his/her frustration on another 10 people, and those 10 people repeat and rinse, until it hits the whole population. Just by living here long enough, you become part of the equation. A frustrated teacher comes to school, takes it all out on the classroom, and you have a room of 30 kids being fucked in the head. Those kids grow up, and practice the same ritual on their friends, family, spouses and children. And it keeps on passing on. It’s been going on for years and nobody dares to even break that vicious empty cycle.

    Here’s something ironic: The anti-spam word was joy.

  • Ahmad Al-Sholi

    so this stupid guy comes to amman once, or he is a cousin to a stupid person.. comes and judges, and perform a stand up comedy infront of TV and hundreds in audience.. Amman is rich with its people though many negative are there, bad financials, war situation for decades is just a killer… what about the dumb american public???
    this is disgusting

  • sara

    (being a good person revolves around praying five times a day, fasting and covering up their hair, when being a good person is about being honest with one’s work and one’s life. )

    How about being all at the same time a good person, praying 5 times a day and wear the hijab!!??
    Also, how about those people who think that they are good people, but in actual fact they are even worse than the ones, whom although, pray 5 times a day, are also bad….

    Im refering to those who are hypocritical enough to say that they think they are not judgimental, but when it comes down to it all, they are masters in that. They claim that they accept other points of view, but we always find them to be first line to attack or offend anyone that just so happen not to think like them!!!

  • http://andfaraway.net Roba

    Pheras, that is precisely what I am saying. It is the people, whether its in the form of government, media, parliament, or whatever. All these are just made of people.

    Ahmad, the movie has nothing to do with the post. I just put it there as comic relief.

  • Bilal – Black Jack

    I love your posts but this one is very harsh. alot of what u say is true, but c’mon, our people cant be THAT bad.

    I lived in the US for too long now, and if there is something I dearly miss, is how humble the people in amman are, at least my people, the ones I know and interact with on a daily basis.

    you might have had another experience than mine. but your post is too general.

    I miss how when I am in trouble at 2 am in the morning, one phone call would bring me literally 20 friends and relatives ready to come bail me out of my trouble, whatever trouble that may be. i miss that feeling of being part of a whole, rather than the whole itself.

    I just love how the people in amman are available and eager to help. You just need to surround yourself with the right ones I guess.

  • Mario Mustache

    wassup roba,

    i completely agree with your post. i dont think its just in amman – its in egypt too. a huge part of his 2araf is that people are so closeminded and dont want to accept anything otherwise. its all culture, because if you ask me, i dont really respect those that just pray five times a day and wear hijab and then complain and whine and do things shouldnt even be done outside of religion. they dont got a clue and they dont wanna.

    its a sad truth. whenever i travel to egypt or arab countires, no matter how small the time is, i always feel it.

  • Kuwaiti dude in Jordan

    amazing post..wallah il 3atheem ina u took words right out of my mouth…it might not be my place to judge oo i really cant talk but the lack of unproffesionalism is taking this country down too..y3ni mish ma32ool ina everyone’s at a job “for now” till they go on to the “modeer” job they’re dreaming of…and the amount of times i’ve heard “yaa 3ami 6afshan” in amman is uncountable…i might be one of two kuwaitis working in jordan and il7imdila amman is not as bad as ppl say it is..as a matter of fact im in love with 3aman and i keep telling my friends it’s an amazing place to live but the ppl (without “ta3meeming”) really ruin the place….u wont believe the looks i get sometimes just because im a so called khaleeji..maa yaaa 3ami im an arab like u guys and maybe even better…maybe
    sorry for the long comment but this is for the amount of times i heard the sentence “walla sorry “sayr” bes i7na fully booked” when the restaurant is empty and all i wanted was a nice quite meal..keep it up roba

  • CallMeJoe

    I hate to admit this, but this is exactly how the rest of the world views the Arabs. Their culture is great, but you cant really live in the 6th century. The word “Arab” does not evoke positive feelings in most of the people around the world. The “holier than thou” attitude to other religions/cultures has left the middle eastern muslim countries behind.

    Compare your country to South Korea.

    My biggest fear that the oil money that makes it into much of the middle eastern arab countries (yes I know Jordan does not have oil), will dry up very soon.

    And countries like China, South Korea, India and Australia will have passed the Arab countries in economic, military and technological development.

  • http://reflectionsallmine.net Salam

    Of all the things would like Amman for, of all the items one can put in a like list, the one I never imagined to see there is the hijabi chick in the tightest pants..I have to agree though..pretty amusing:)

  • Nart

    The post is ok, we all share in a way these sufferings.. but the video is absurd and it is out of a mouth of an absurdist.. he is gaining respect for his own humiliation.. I wonder how would his cousin would welcome him .. again..

  • طفيلي( ahmad)

    Roba((The people. I really don’t like the people of Amman. I don’t like the opinion-makers, I don’t like the opinion-followers. I don’t like the little kids and I don’t like the adults. I don’t like the arrogance, I don’t like the pessimism, I don’t like the self-imposed unhappiness, I don’t like the endless nagging and complaining, I don’t like the frowns. )))
    Why are still living in this country? At least you should be grateful that you are using Jordanian passport to pass through borders from country to other and study in our universities as normal Jordanian and living in safe city .
    I should say, we also do not like who who use our resources and say (i do not feel Jordan my country).

    you are very luck to live in this country when your grand parent escaped from the war to lived in Jordan, You just need to look at people who are from your root( you don’t like this word) come from from the same place and live in Lebanon and Syria.

    Please when you die , before that tell your parent to not bury you in Jordan. Jordan soil should be mixed with decent people who will die for this country and our Royal family.

    I will try to find time to answer you comment one by one.

  • http://andfaraway.net Roba

    Loool Ahmad, that is the most absurd comment ever. Have you read the post? I am not criticizing Jordan, I already make it clear that this is what I consider home. I am criticizing the people of Amman, myself and my friends and my family included, and a very, very big majority of the other people in Amman that I am criticizing are people who also come from Palestine and Syria and Lebanon.
    I did not even mention people who live outside Amman such as yourself, obviously someone racist saying something like “I am better than everyone else just because I am from Tafileh and not from Palestine”.
    So please spare me the cliches- “if you do not like it go somewhere else”.

  • Peter S

    Maybe Amman needs an influx of Buddhist immigrants. Meditation & non-judgmental thinking can produce can produce wonders in an individual and a community.

    (Plus they don’t care if you name a teddy bear “Buddha”)

  • Ahmad Al-Sholi

    Roba,
    Yes you were criticizing home “though I do not agree with your approach” but that video is very offensive, it signals a different message than what you were trying to imply.

    Ahmad Tafili,
    Brother, Jordan and Palestine are just one as everything in history, geoghraphy, architicture, culture, religion,…etc confirm it. They are different in the minds of those who do not believe it. Your blood brother may differ than you in many ways as well. The more we hang on to racism the more we lose enjoying our potential.

    Peter,
    Actually buddhists are not that chilled, they sued the “Buddha Bar” Chain and got what they wanted.

  • bashar

    I agree with a lot of what you say, but the thing that I dislike the most about Jordanians and all Arabs as it seems, is how superficial they are. The think the way to be optimistic and progressive is to blindly imitate the culture and the mannerisms of the west without innovating or creating anything themselves, …oh I have to cut this short…because I think I got a text-message.

  • Onzlo

    Ahmad 3anjad innak Tafili

  • Kuwaiti dude in Jordan

    yaaaa roba if u hate “jordan” soo much why dont u leave our country and go back home tooo….3abdoon????
    wallah this 6afili guy reminds me of some bungholes we have in kuwait…if u think kuwait is sooo bad why dont u leave!!!!….aaammm 6afili dudeville..chillpill
    read read read…3AMAN..noo JORDAN…3AMAN…no HATING…only what she thinking…ok???!!!!…she have brain she have thinking…u have much to much no respect this woman thinking…ok!?!?!?

  • bani adam

    Roba,
    I remember reading in one of your posts that you had the choice of studying abroad, but you decided to stay in jordan. Why, may i ask since it seems alot of things about jordan bother u?
    also, from what you are saying it seems you are being pretty judgmental yourself. generalizing alot. to be quite honest from my experience living in jordan most of the time people could care less what ur wearing unless ur half-naked walking down a street like share3 mecca or something like that. if ur in the privacy of ur own home or in a club/bar somewhere, wouldnt u expect less judgements seeing as people who go to such places are supposedly open minded and “advanced” intellectually? but that is not the case but u probably already know that.
    in any case, i hope uve found urself a group of same-minded people to surround urself with, otherwise ud have major problems living in a place like jordan.
    P.S: i enjoy reading ur posts (altho i dont always agree with you), and i think ur a breath if fresh air. one of these days if u ever run into you in amman il b sure to give u a standing ovation. untill then keep those thoughts coming.

  • طفيلي( ahmad)

    Guys
    I am not a racist. i don’t need to explain myself because i love my country.
    I hate these people when they live abroad and start to say bad things about Jordan. I hate who always see black picture about Jordan. I don’t give a shit if you are Jordanian or Palestine or Syrian if you hate my country, I will be against you .this place where we were born and will be buried.

    Ahmad Al-Sholi
    I respect your opinion and i feel you have fair mind …Look what it was written befor in this blog :
    ((I’m more aware than ever of a personal home-identity crisis. Riyadh is not home, it never really was, and it never really will be. Recent occurences have made me come to realize that Amman is not home either))))

    Ok what is she doing here? Why are we spending our money on people who does not feel this is their home?

    The racism means when dislike people because of their colour or their back ground …… she made her point clear when she said she doesn’t like the people in Amman and she does not like the kids in Amman she doesn’t like….it is quit obvious who is the racist in this place.

    Kuwaiti dude in Jordan

    Will you shut up ? ……..

  • طفيلي( ahmad)

    Onzlo

    What shall i say about your comment. This is not racism . what do you think Ahmad Al-Sholi ?

    May alah forgive us

  • Ahmad Al-Sholi

    Ahmad Al-Tafili,
    Thanks for the comment, its very respectful to think of someone as fair-minded :)
    I totally agree with you, that was wrong and often falls under the generalizing statements that show our tendency to be self-destructive. We “Nawablseh” are often judged as homosexuals, and each town east or west has its bullshit label as well :)
    You have a patriotic point of view to love the country explicitly – and all do I assure you -. Whereas a fundamentalist will criticize anything for the sake of development, accordingly “I hate Amman” statement does not have the literal meaning you got. I personally would join BamBam in his/her opinion about the best way to show love, and eagerness to develop our country.
    Though obviously you didn’t mean it in my opinion, you reflected a “Jordanian Defense” against a “Palestinian Strike” where it was not the case. To tell a “Palestinian rooted Jordanian” – as much as I hate this description – to leave Jordan, harms the Jordanian legacy of taking Palestinians in throughout the decades and sharing the little resources they had with them equally topped with genuine generosity, and giving them solid ground to recap life and regain their rights. To say that Palestinians escaped the war harms the whole Palestinian Cause Legacy, when they went to the rescue of their neighbors (West Bank towns as the Jordanian towns, or even Lebanon and Syria) and when no one had an idea that the misery will continue for 59 years and still counting, best proven by the people of West Bank and Gazza that are suffering today more dearly than the 1948 downfall, but still hang on as all know now what will happen if people leave.
    You got a wrong idea and thats when you responded accordingly. To me as I guess to the majority: Palestine and Jordan are equally leveled in our spirits, but our culture is heavily troubled and we are imbalanced. Our goals are not clear, and we do not have a shared communal feel though all are nationalists.

    Sorry for the long lines but felt obliged to share that.

  • M.AZ

    I ran away once saying i wanna study in Europe, I think i knew then that its not about getting a master, its rather about running away from the Jordanian.

    Ya they are not civilized, I think the first rule of civilization is about considering the others and showing them that u can SEE them. I cud never see this in the jordanians, not in driving cars, not in standing in a raw not in a “Kostenlos” smile.

    I was fighting with my friend that day (whom i convinced to follow me out) about if the Jordanians are stupid, or if they act stupid. I was for the first option. She convinced me in the end that im wrong. Jordanians are not stupid, they simply act stupid.

    I do agree with you Roba in almost every word, but I still give them excuses. even though i myself dont believe these excuses. I think its just the love i have for this country.

    Why are Jordanians like this?
    I do think that religion plays the highest roll in this part. its these 5 prayers that they perform without knowing why and to how. and this month they fast without knowing how and why ()or maybe they know how to ´fast,,,by FIGHTING ) . I think religion in jordan is only instructions. not a feeling nor a choice. this thing we got in school about religion makes us BAD. we only take things the way they are given to us without thinking. I was never allowed to think what Allah is. this is “7aram” I was never allowed to think why shud I pray. the usual and one answer was always : “because Alla says so” no need to think why do Alla says so… no need to understand our deep self or experience “mistakes”. no need to move this brain. there are only two colors,,,7alal and 7araam.
    i always thought that if i love God then there is no need to tell anyone about this, nor to show anyone this thing. why cant we love God in our own way? 3ashan ma nroo7 3annnar said “ostaaz el deen”. This is the main point that makes the people in amman like what they are now. they were raised up in a way that limits their thinking abilities. mamnoo3 tfakkir. this made them think that religion comes first… a prayer comes before being honest and fasting comes before learning not to cheat …this is what they think. and the problem is that making the religious instructions gives them a “ra7a nafsiyye” so they think they are doing the “wajib” and no need to develop…

    being a good person is enough to make a community a good community,, praying on the other hand and having religion is something for the individual.. not the community. Unfortunately this isnt the way we were raised. we think that if every one prayed a community will be good…. sad

    about the frown u c on the faces… i have to defend them in this… no oil like the southern eastern neighbors. no water like the other neighbours. Amman is the most expensive arab Capital. they are allowed to frown.

    I visited amman a month ago, went out with a friend and wanted to sit somewhere. after entering some place, the Egyptian worker asked me and my friend very politely to change our table coz this is for “3a2ilaat” saying: “ya basha ma3lish law sama7t tghayyar makanak, aslo el chef ma byesma7sh hina illa li 3a2ilaat” i went with him then into a discussion saying that i am sitting with a family member, we are “3a2ile” but he said he means “7areem” anyway i smiled to him and continued talking coz i love the Egyptian slang. then came a jordanian worker and said bikol 3ajrafe and waqa7a.: “shabab inzilo min hoon, mish masmoo7ilkom” …i fought with him…im jordanian too…i know how to fight… the thing i wanted to say from this short boring story is that i dont c this frown but in jordanians…

    long unorganized respond, but i had to write it ..

  • طفيلي( ahmad)

    I always believe Jordan would not be Jordan like now with the major contributions of our brothers from Jordanian-Palestinian. In the same time Jordan would not safe place without Jordanians from tribes who always support and sacrifice for our royal family.I am really proud of being jordanian because of this mixture of these people.

    I do not need to explain again that i do not mean any bad things when i talked the Palestinians. We owe them for being strong nation and we always feel sorry for them. But i assure you i sometime use the same arguments with my relatives who are in love with Sadam regime. I say to them if you believe in other ideology which might harm my country ,this country does not need you here.

  • Zreig

    Roba you seem very right in what u wrote.
    I have a question then, i always asked myself.
    Do you belong to amman/Jordan?

    Belonging to a country (my own point of view) is 50% to the land and its earth. and 50% to the people (sha3b). I would also give 3-5 % to the leader in case I chose him/her, but apparently this isnt the case here.

    So what is it in your case, do you belong to the people whom you “love less”? I think its not easy..

  • Faris Darwazeh

    Amman, Love It or Leave IT

  • Yazan Al – Zo’bi

    my anti-spam world was : YA3!
    which is far away from describing this truth full post….
    I have lived in Amman,for 14 years,and having a mixed ethnic background(Jordanian,Moroccan,Circasian ) gave me immunity from joining the mainstream of Amman,
    I can fully say that I have witnessed the good and the ugly,
    but unfortunately the ugliness revolves around the things you just mentioned…things that are overly increasing over the years…
    If you go to a mall (shall we start with mecca mall?)..
    you can see all the society levels there…
    and I must say that I always noticed how people are judgmental,shallow,and overly-obsessed with just the things that can only bring fake happiness ….
    I have to admit that I read your PULP mag interview ,and I was impresses to hear(more like read) about a person who thinks the people in Amman have a too conservative way of thinking!
    so is it wrong to wear shorts when you go out ?
    is it wrong to do photography in a crowded place?
    will it ever be possible,for the spoiled kids of amman (most of them are) to stop having shitty(sorry) hair cuts?
    is it wrong for your family (including your mum and sister) to go swimming,without haveing the eyes on them ?

    I guess that’s all I have to say
    and thank you Roba for your honesty.