AndFarAway

A Blog from Amman, Jordan, Online Since 2004.

Nerds. Make. Better. Lovers.

As a teenager, I had always considered myself to be a nerd, except unlike popular opinion, I never thought that being a nerd was a bad thing. I was always top tier in anything I ever did, I was always a straight-A student, all my homework were always perfectly done, and I always wanted to understand every single thing possible. Perfectionist, I guess you can say. Or over-achiever. But I personally preferred, and still prefer, the rawness of the word “nerd”, which I proudly labeled myself as, ignoring the pink hair, the over-pierced ears, the obnoxious loudness, the bright red glasses, the baggy jeans and tiny tops. You see, I was also the ultimate multi-hair-colored mean airhead- I ditched all the time, there was never a party that I didn’t dance in, I was a bully to losers, and there was never a fashion trend that I didn’t try.

Contradiction? I think not- it’s just that people are stupid at labeling.

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that labeling is bad, I actually think it’s good, sorta like corporate branding, it’s just that people are stupid at making good use of it. You choose the labels according to what you’re comfortable with- that is, labeled people.

Anyhow, highschool finished, and art school started, and although the A’s and perfect homework keep rolling in, you can simply never be a nerd in art school, because people just don’t label the part of the populace wasting their time with colors and stuff as nerds. So I became labeled a geek (never by the real geeks mind you, because to them, I’m just an artsy-fartsy impractical wheeee-lover who doesn’t know about anything but colors and stuff).

I’m really not comfortable with labeling myself with the word “Geek” though, because I don’t feel like I have earned it. Yeah, sure, I do spend way too much time on the computer, I have met a lot of my very good friends through the bits and bytes of cyberspace, I am obsessed with The Lord of the Rings, and I do know way too many things about geeky-stuff that a 21-year-old female studying fine arts and design really does not need to know. But I don’t know PHP, do I? I don’t use Linux either. Or watch Star Wars.

But then again, the fact that I’ve been sitting trying to “blog” these thoughts for the past 2 hours at 3:35 AM on a weekday may as well make up for all of the above, and I’m still trying to figure out where to fit in the two very things that influenced this post. Ok, I guess that sort of makes space below doesn’t it?

The first influence was a podcast about labels– who are you? After discussing labels, they end the cast with, “Listen in, and then tell us, what does your label say?”

The second influence was much cooler and which probably deserved a post all about it (and as you can tell from the title, this post was meant to be all about it), it’s an article entitled “Nerds Make Better Lovers” (via Saudi Jeans). And really, they do.

Perhaps a year back, Linda wrote a post asking people what their ideal mate was, and I wrote a whole long post that, for some reason or another, I never got to publish. Excerpt:

“Generally, the most important thing in “my perfect man” is brains, to an extreme degree. I just go ga-ga for a person who is well educated, well read, and socially, politically, culturally and scientifically aware. I actually consider it an enjoyable experience when I’m around a person who can challenge me intellectually, who knows a lot about everything, and who always has an answer. I don’t think I can do with someone who can’t teach me something new everyday.

I also find passion [adj : having or expressing strong emotions] a necessary trait, and not in the romantic sense. I am, by nature, excessively passionate, and so I generally find it impossible to comprehend the mentalities of average-achievers, the jaded, and the smug. I believe that passion is the road to success, and success- not particularly a financial one mind you, but one in a much broader sense- is vital to me. I respect someone who has reached a certain level with who he and where he is in life.”

That’s pretty much a part of the definition of “geek”, “nerd” and “overachiever”. And I hold that true to my heart.

Ok, enough blabbing, it’s 4:00 AM and I have to wake up in 3 hours. You know, I’m actually a very untalkative person in real life- I’d usually rather just listen.

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16 Comments

  1. girl, u have got to set foot in a graduate law school. EVERYONE here has obviously just recently come to terms with their nerdiness, and NO ONE is good looking. i have really come to prefer the “cool” world. they’re both prettier and more adjusted.

  2. I love this post :) (and not just because I’m in it :p )

    I was a happy proud nerd at school too – ok to be honest I only started getting very comfortable with it around 7th grade may be.

    Then, at university, it was hard to be a nerd in the Electrical Engineering dept, for two reasons: 1. being there is by definition nerdy, and 2. there is this different type of nerds in EE that you just can’t steal the label from.

    Now, a new label seems to be following me, can you guess what that is? :) ‘weird’! Funny your post came just in time because last night my sister was showing her friends my blog and they looked at me and said “man you’re weird!”

    Anyways, sorry for the long comment, I guess I should just go write a post.

  3. kinzi

    Yes, girls, nerds do make better lovers, and ever better than that, the best husbands!

    My husband is a research scientist (was before Jordan anyway) and he is the greatest and thinks I am the greatest gift to him! Much better to have a mutual admiration club than a mutual one-up-manship club.

    Hey, does anyone know what’s wrong with JordanPlanet?

  4. Roba,I absolutely loved your post.And even more I loved the never-published-before excerpt you put about your ideal man.I have been reading your blog for some time,and feel like I know you somehow, a I felt that your description is so true.A girl like you should only be looking for a man whose mind would be a match to hers,otherwise it would be a life wasting experience,a marriage so not worth it.It hurts me to see intellectual girls who rush into such relatioships and forget about the degree of cultural compatibility that is vital for success.I love how brilliantly you explained all that.One thing I want to ask you about:Do you ever feel bad about making fun of the losers back at school?I seriously have long nights remebering how cruel my friends and I were in school,I remember names and faces and feel bad for them,I imagine what would I do if someone did this to my daughter or son and I pray for forgiveness.I might even ask for it if I do see any of these girls now.Do you have this feeling or is it only me?

  5. Roba, I really loved and enjoyed this post very much
    Well Said!

    I agree with Kinzi that nerds do make better lovers because they have passion by nature ..

    Getting to know you in person is making me feel happy that we have young ladies like you in your generation .. full of energy and passion and most importantly .. opinionated and proud .. I love all these things in you and about you

    Never compromise when it comes to the man in your life .. because a girl like you will never feel satisfied and complete if she did not get exactly what she wanted and thensome!

    Best of luck and I really hope that we have more girls like you

  6. Roba-phobia and it is growing inside me, I swear :(

  7. :) Awesome post,
    Not sure if I am for or against labels thou, I was always told I didn’t fit into categories and as such I was weird, strange or different (which I was very happy with). Because apparently you can’t be good at sports, a rebel and a nerd at the same time, but if being a nerd makes me a better lover then I am going to have to angle for that ;)

  8. You are Not a Nerd…..!!!

    and niether is any one of you…..!!!

    you want real nerds…..!!!

    in your childhood did you play only in arabic fus’ha and refused to play in slang arabic…..!!!

    on second thought…..

    forget what I said….

    you are a Nerd, I just realized that the definition of Nerdness is altered…..!!!

    it now means cool, and hip, and smart…..!!!

  9. LooooL Exzombie my sisters and I used to do that :D we played games the whole time talking fus7a to each other… yes indeed we were nerds, but it was loads of fun, and the influence of good television cartoons!

  10. this what define us as nerds…..

    we injoy reading…..!!!

    talk fus’ha while playing…..!!!

    when carried away in a debate you’r most certainly realize that every one in the room is stupid and can’t understand what your talking about…..!!! it’s not you, it’s them….!!!

    and is it me or animal planet and the descovery channels are the best channels….?!?!

    so how do we register our names for the JP meeting….!!!

  11. I’ll teach you my ways Roba.. that is if you want to be a “classic geek” that is a geek who knows crap about computers but knows how far away the nearest star to our sun lies.
    Plus I actually use the words “thus” and “hence” in everday life.. including my blog

  12. Forsoothsayer, lol, cool. I think we have a different definition of nerdiness though :P

    Lina ya Lina, what happened to the Iraq Il Emir trip we were supposed to take last weekend? :P Man, we’re both terrible planners!
    But you know, I think “weird” goes along well with “nerd” and “geek”.. I think it’s good to be weird :)

    Kinzi, lol, cool. Allah ykhaleekom la ba’ad :) And I totally agree with you on the mutual admiration club…

    Salam, thanks! I think Khalidah once wrote about that.. I’d rather stay single for the rest of my life than be with someone who isn’t worth it or who I’m not compatible with. We have terribly wrong priorities in our culture.. sad priorities. As for the bullying question, I haven’t felt bad about the bullying as yet. I just think that cool kids ought to make cool children :P I think its vital that one teaches their kids self confidence and an ability to stand up to one self.. bas wow, ask for forgiveness?! What school di d you go to? Why do I have a feeling that you’re an CMS girl?

    Khalidah, thanks :) I’m flattered.

    Nader, you will have to explain to me what Roba-phobia is…

    Keko, hm.. I guess it’s tough with labels, but I don’t think one can be for or against them. I don’t know, it depends on their usage- some people ma bilba2elhom. Anyway, weird is good, right? You’ve said that before here ;) and I completely agree. and LOL@Nerd making you a better lover :P

    Exzombie, haha, cool. I agree with Lina, I’d blame that on the mdablaj Arabic cartoons of our generation. Do they still do that?

    Omar, haha, Mr. Physist to the rescue :P I’m afraid I’m more interested in computers than in physics :P but yeah, cool, learning is good :) Englighten me ;)

  13. Fantastic and honest post Roba. It made me go back in time to see if I was a nerd in my school and university years. OK I was and still perfectionist in my study and work, but I had much taste for fun as well. In the university I was politically active and knew countless politicised girls who would challenge my mind. When it came to love I opted for passion before brains and got a GOD’s gift of a passionate and intellectual lover who came to be my wife. We have made a system to divide the “mental challenges” from “passion and interaction” in social terms. You do not want to ennd up with a man who will challenge your mental strength on when to visit your mom or what kind of food to eat. Here comes the compromise so I think the best lovers are a blend of nerds and passionates.

  14. kinzi

    Well said, Batir. That is a great system, division of mental labor! My husband and I have a rule: he always asks my opinion, I always stand by his decision. If he chooses contrary to my advice and his idea doesn’t work, or if he chooses mine and it doesn’t, we practice giving each other grace, no mention of it again (verbally or mentally)

    Salam, I meant to get back to the bullying comment. I wasn’t a serious bullyer, but neither was I willing to risk my fringe ‘in crowd’ status to stick up for them in front of a group. I would talk to them in the halls, but not defend them in front of others.

    The funny thing was, they were getting teased for being Christians (meaning, no sex and drugs)and I was really attracted to their character (even if those guys did wear highwater jeans). When I finally and eventually became a Christian, I did go back and apologize, and foudn out some of them had prayed for me. That was a HUMBLING discovery, talk about living out Jesus’ words to ‘pray for those who persecute you”.

    I highly recommend going back and apologizing. It helps heal wounds. Bullying and teasing is so damaging to a child, and acknowledgement of pain caused is a huge step of validating that persons’ dignity.

  15. No Roba,I’m a Sisters of Nazareth grad.Asking for forgiveness is something I think about but well maybe I won’t do ,inspite of kinzi’s advice,but I do wish I can get the chance to see them again and be polite or sympathetic for once,you change with time..you do ,some things for the better and some things for the worse..but anyways!!

  16. Enjoyed this:) and the comments as well.

    I think its the “being different” that is critisized or not accepted, whether its being a nerd or being an Indian in England not knowing how to pronounce the words right
    ( I have nothing against them,just a simple example, since they’re always used in those commedies as cliches).

    Im always critisized by my friends for my reading or my music. It’s simply different.

    When something is not hte norm, its hard to accept and when one doesnt comprehend it, one resorts to mocking. As a way of self escape.

    I think at the end the most important thing is you accepting for who you are

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