AndFarAway

A Blog from Amman, Jordan, Online Since 2004.

Crisis

The same thoughts (identity crisis), the same place (MS Word), a different stimulus (Alexander the Great).

*Chuckle* It’s really quite hilarious.

Imagine that around every 15 posts or so, I try to write a post about identity. Most of these unfortunate posts either end up lost in the bits and bytes of my recycle bin, while others float aimlessly in my drafts. Either way, I always decide to stop before the empty canvas of MS Word starts to solidify.

Reasons, reasons. Reasons are many, some of which I know of, others of which I don’t. I know that I’m one of the most opinionated humans in the world, but believe it or not, my biggest issue with myself is my complete unawareness of my own feelings and their causes. But yeah, typically for one who is willing to Wikipedia her ass off to make sure that she has an opinion about everything that she may possibly be asked about, I can think of a few reasons for the lost words, at least the reasons that are floating in my head rather than in my heart.

Well, Reason One is social taboo. In our ‘fantastic’ society, identity is an issue of great taboo, and in order to lay things objectively on the table and break the issue apart, dozens and dozens of other issues need to find a place on the same table. Otherwise, there’s the much increased risk of being misunderstood. But the table is small. It fits one issue at a time. Reason Two is more personal and much harder for me to discuss- I still haven’t come to terms with how I feel towards my identity. Often, I find myself completely comfortable with a certain issue in one instance, all the while being aware that it may easily revert to becoming intolerable in a different one. Which sucks.

And see? I already have too many paragraphs and I still didn’t even start talking about the issue.

Another saved draft? More bytes in the recycle bin?

March 11th, 2006.

JU 159

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6 Comments

  1. If you always understood your emotions, then you’re not experiencing new ones.
    If you always felt the same about things, then you’re not open to new ideas.
    :) a healthy dose of confusion is what keeps our imagination alive, hence we :)

  2. It’s definitely not easy to write about identity. I’ve been thinking about it for a while…
    here are my thoughts
    http://arrabi.blogspot.com/2006/03/to-be-palestinian.html

  3. Roba – I completely identify with your dilemma. Identity is one issue that causes me to reel with indecision and true writer’s block – it even goes so far as to cause me mini-anxiety attacks. It sometimes feels like any piece written on the subject of identity needs to be the be-all end-all, perfectly articulated, and highly poignant. But is identity ever that clean-cut? At least for me, I still have a ways to go.. Keep at it though Roba, I’m sure you’ll get there!
    On another subject, any idea when the next JP meet-up will be? :) I’m going to be in Amman on business for only a few days (Apr 12 – 14), and would love to meet u all!

  4. Anonymous

    I love the reversed identity idea…
    ure so original & creative !

    anyway , I have 2 words for you , you probably know them…

    Amin Maalouf.

    Cheers ,

    Lamoo :)

  5. Ziad D.

    You are Roba Assi.

  6. husam

    “Committing yourself is a way of finding out who you are. A man finds his identity by identifying. A man’s identity is not best thought of as the way in which he is separated from his fellows but the way in which he is united with them.” Robert Terwilliger , This is what Robert thinks, and it think it can help who is looking for an identity. But what i think,

    Roba, in your first reason, you are just saying in other words that you know your identity but you troubled from describing it to us, in our ‘ ‘fantastic’ society ‘ …. Or that even you afraid to confess about it to yourself. Yes I think our ‘ ‘fantastic’ society ‘ enjoys building lots of walls inside our heads.

    Well your second reason is the more important one, and I admire you having it, I think identity having some drawbacks, and to clearly identify ‘committing’ yourself will limit your ability to change, This will mean that your acts (thoughts) will be a product of your identity instead of having your identity as a result of your acts. Some people like it this way as when identity is based on a certain principle or religion. I certainly prefer it the other way around.

    At last when humanity is identified by 2 lines, I’m sure to identify Roba Assi as A creative thinker with a great sense of reason, is kinda fair. :)

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